5 Lessons Learned From Arranged Marriages

Posted on February 13, 2017 by

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Valentines Day, dating, rooming in, trying things out, and moving out on your own as a couple may seem like normal transitions to some but did you know that 90% of marriages in India and 60% of the population of the world practice arranged marriages?!

honor
Asian weddings are full of ceremony with many of these being surrounded around showing respect for parents. Often marriages these days are mutual agreement on a mate between the child and his/her parents.

With that being said, I know many families who had arranged marriages and several friends who anticipate the day their marriage will be arranged by their parents. As always, different perspectives such as these can help open our minds to another way and help increase our understanding of love.  An interesting quote I’ve heard several times from these friends is:

You fall in love first then marry, we marry and then fall in love.

Many advocates for arranged marriage say:

Westerners shop for spouses like they do clothes.

Once they tire of them, they toss them away.

These quotes may be offensive to you but take in what’s being said, true love is defined as commitment, acceptance, even sight unseen in many cases going deeper than attraction.

holding-hands
90% of marriages in India are arranged by their parents.

I recently met a hilltribe family who practices arranged marriages and explained this 2000 year old tradition. From early childhood, the kids “play wedding” in the school yard with eager anticipation for the day their parents introduce them to their life mate. A friend from this hilltribe describes her marriage as “very difficult” the first 2 years but says they are learning to love each other and it is getting better. So what can we learn from this Eastern tradition?  Here are some take aways.

  1. Love includes life long commitment above attraction.
  2. Love is a choice even more than a feeling.
  3. Finding a life long mate is a decision involving all family members in harmony and with expectation that family will be an integral part of the couples lives.
  4. Our upbringing and family help define what we consider to be love.
  5. The idea of “finding the perfect soul mate” is more of a western pursuit that may or may not be motivated by a pure heart or result in true love. Hmmm?!

callie-and-eli-at-dates-wedding

Whatever the case may be, may your valentine be your mate that you have committed to love for life in good or bad or rich or poor! Please share your thoughts and opinions here!

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10 Comments on “5 Lessons Learned From Arranged Marriages”

  2. Hi Marc and Ann thanks for following. Your post, recall one of my old article on arrange or love marriage. I personally prefer arrange marriage. You have beautiful images and capture great points. Hats off on the feeling. Can I link your post with my article where readers can get more exposure on arrange marriage as your post is more valuable. Kindly let me know so that both can be benefitted.

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  3. This is a very relevant message to send to the youths of today… Youths are too fickle these days, and the ideal of long term commitment and devotion has gone out the window in favour of pursuit of the new and exciting. Whilst Asia is also coming to espouse the notion of “free love”, the arranged marriages of old definitely still have their place in society. 🙂

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    • Thank you Jolene. I agree. I hope by highlighting these marriages that the younger generations would come to see how far our society has left love as a lifelong commitment. Thank you for stopping by. I enjoyed your blog. Please come again!

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      • Thanks M&A! Absolutely, love has become another commodity, one trade (of many) in our lifetimes. Your blog is really intriguing I will be back for sure! 😊I’d love to know where you guys are currently based?

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      • Great! We are Americans but have lived in Cambodia for 16 years. We now live in rural Cambodia near Vietnam. We started a ceramic water filter factory and run an ngo for water. Where are you from?

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      • That sounds awesome… 16 years… What you do is commendable! I’m a Shanghai-born Sydneysider, it’s a pleasure to meet you guys here 🙂

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